Curb Your Lemongrab
by N. Compass
Summary: Finn was not the first person to court the Flame Princess. A certain Earl was her first and may have caused her emotional instability.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of this fan fiction. Characters such as Earl of Lemongrab, Flame King, Flame Princess and Princess Bonibel Bubblegum are owned by Ward Pendleton, Cartoon Network (a subsidiary of Turner Broadcasting) and their respective corporations/individual owners.

**This is my one-shot about Adventure Time. What got me hooked was not the first episode. Heck, I never had the chance to catch it on local satellite TV (I finish work really late). It was a chance encounter on Pony Anthology II that used Lemongrab's line over and over again, superimposed on Princess Celestia. I started watching the show and within two days, finished the entire show plus the current season (at this moment, BMO Noire was the latest episode).**

**So, it's a silly one-shot between Lemongrab, Flame King and Flame Princess.  
**

******************As always, I would love reviews and always, I appreciate them. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. ****Please review!** Enjoy!

* * *

"BUTLER!" I hollered.

"Yes, your Earlness," bowed my regal, lemon butler.

"Are the preparations ready for our guests?"

"It is ready."

"I will determine what is ready or not, understand, Butler?" I raised my voice.

"Ye…"

"DUNGEON! FOUR HOURS DUNGEON! ONLY I MAY REPLY TO MY OWN QUESTIONS!"

My butler excused himself to the dungeon and I walked down the hall to the guest chambers. A million thoughts whizzed through my lemon head. To sate my mother slash creator, I have to court the hand of the Fire Kingdom's Princess. She mentioned some floopity-floop about bringing peace between the elemental planes and only I, the Earl of Lemongrab, can solve this.

I entered the room and I inspected the room thoroughly. The curtains and poster beds were neatly arranged, to MY specifications. The candy windows, a gift from mother-creator, were glossily waxed. The carpet vacuumed to –

"WHAT IS THIS?" I yelled loudly. "MAID! MAID! MAID!"

"Yes, your Earlness." The lime maid curtsied.

"What is this?" I pointed to the carpet.

"What is what, your Earl-"

"WHAT IS THIS?" I pointed once more, my face on the ground, on the dustmen that made a village on the carpet.

"Those are your subjects, Earl of Lemongrab," she replied citrusly sweet.

"FFFFFFRRRMMMMM!" I flared. "I WANT THEM OUT OF THE GUEST ROOMS!"

"But, sire, you invited them here to…"

"Ten hours dungeon," I hissed. "FOUR DAYS DUNGEON TO EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM EXCEPT I!"

Everyone sighed dejectedly.

"Don't make me make it four thousand years…" Everyone quickly hurried out of the room, the dustmen hastily disassembling their tent city in the corner of the room. I leered at my subjects with contempt as they leave the room, placing themselves subserviently into the dungeon.

"Finally," I sighed. "Everything is clean and ready for the Fire King and His Daughter."

I peered outside the window and saw more injustices in my kingdom. My subjects were frolicking freely without care in the streets when I demanded absolute order. Lemon children were playing with lemon marbles and lime women gossiped under the banner of the Lemongrab flag. I was flustered by these insolences and my face turned crimson.

Hastily, I opened the candy window forcefully. The window hit the outer walls of my lemon castle that it shattered. Sharp shards fell everywhere and I felt something piercing my lemon candy body. I stared at it for a short while, for the longest time. I couldn't see with my far-sighted eyes so, I reached for my glasses concealed in my coat pocket. I put the thick-rimmed glasses on, to see a large shard of the candy glass piercing my hide. As I saw my blood trickled on my arm, I screamed in horrific pain. People from the streets stared at me, as my cries radiated throughout the city. I flailed my arms wildly above in the castle, pointing at the shard, shrieking in pain, wishing that somebody would remove it.

In a moment of instability, I tripped over and fell off from the castle window. Hurtling towards the grounds of my earldom, my screams grew progressively louder. With a forceful thud, I landed on the hard ground, crumbling the lemon candy pavement. Feeling something sharp grazing the back of my head, I reached behind to touch the grazed area. I saw something red. My far-sighted eyes could not discern this syrupy substance so I wore my glasses once more to see that it was blood. Prodding the back of my head, I felt the wound and as if on cue, I screamed a bloodcurdling shriek.

"Earl!" rescued my butler, rushing towards me from the castle walls. "Don't just stand there! HELP YOUR EARL!"

Gently, he pulled out the shards of glass with the help from the crowd of villagers. As they picked out the shards of glass, I continued to yell in pain. As the villagers worked together to remove the giant shard embedded in my arm, my yells were perhaps the most audible thing in Ooo. Panting as they successfully removed the shard, my chief physician examined me.

"GET OFF MEEEEEEE!" I screamed irate by everything that happened, scratching my head wounds in utter frustration. My subjects stared at me with gaping mouths, awestruck by my reaction.

"DUNGEON!" I commanded as my index finger pointed to everyone around me.

* * *

Within the confines of my library, I hear the sounds of horns blaring that were not melodious. The chandelier that hung above me shook violently as I felt the heavy footsteps that quaked the streets of my city. My temper began to flare as books from my shelves dropped, loose to roam messily in MY ORDERLY LIBRARY.

"The Fire King has arrived," announced my butler.

I stood up from my chair in my library, grumbling as a way to control my anger and moved down to the steps of the castle to greet our guests. The Fire Kingdom's procession through the streets of Lemongrab was perhaps the most chaotic thing I have ever seen. His guards beamed fire from their hands and the Fire King maniacally laughed at the chaos, sitting upon his fiery ornate carriage. My subjects cowered in fear and some even melted from the intense heat. I started to feel hot as the procession got closer to the castle steps. The fire beams that flew out of the guards' hands raged intensely that my butler resorted to fanning me with a melting candy paper fan.

"Welcome, Flame King, to the Earldom of Lemongrab," I greeted promptly and properly.

"I thought Princess Bubblegum said that you're a strong Earl," said the Fire King as he inspected me with innate curiosity. "Why, you're nothing more than a weak whelp."

"I am not weak, Your Majesty," I rebuked.

"Humph!" doubted the Fire King. "We'll see."

"Shall we adjourn to the Room of Reception and Order?"

"Yes, we shall. Could your butler help retrieve my daughter from the carriage?"

"Yes, Your Majesty." My lemon candy butler rushed to the transformed carriage that revealed a pretty little ember trapped in a giant glass lantern. The fire guards and my slowly melting butler helped to carry the princess into the Room of Reception and Order.

As we traversed down the hall, the Flame King walked silently by my side. His ember body burned furiously, making the walls gooey, discomforting me somewhat. I kept my patience as I slowly watched the changing environment of my castle, knowing that what my creator-mother had planned might fail. I was already uncomfortable with this pointless arrangement and the castle becoming messy was something I was not going to look forward.

"Please, sit down, Flame King." I pointed to a chair inside the Room of Reception and Order.

The Flame King sat on the chair and as soon as he placed his metal rear on the chair, it erupted into a fire, becoming ashes within seconds. I grit my teeth, seeing one of my chairs becoming cinder. The guards and my butler placed the encased princess on the floor of the room.

"Earl of Lemongrab," boomed the voice of the Flame King. "Do you have a gift to present for my daughter?"

"Princess Bubblegum has given to you a token of appreciation when she last met you." Lemongrab passed a note to Flame King, which unceremoniously caught on fire becoming crumbling ash in the Flame King's fiery hand.

"I see. I shall take your word, Earl of Lemongrab. Guards, release my daughter."

The guards pulled a lever by the side of the lantern that encased the princess. The lantern opened and the princess glided slowly onto the ground. As she treaded upon the floor in the Room of Reception and Order, sparks from her flame fell onto the carpet. As she approached Lemongrab to touch his face, the carpet in the room was on fire.

Sniffing the air around him, he asked, "Does anyone smell smoke?"

He moved his eyes from the Flame Princess to see his entire room engulfed in flames. His chair, his tables, his hall, his lemon tapestry – all of the items that he meticulously arranged with the help of his servants (who are in the dungeon), all of them are now nothing more than burnt ash. Then, he lifted his arms to see that his grey shirt had something on it. He grazed his hand above the reddish thing to feel something very painful. He wore his glasses to see what it was.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He ran maniacally out the fire engulfed room, onto the halls to see that his guest room was also on fire and so were the halls. He ran out of the castle, tucked onto the floor and rolled wildly. His butler rushed out of the castle, also on fire, stomping out his Earl. His lemon candy subjects followed suit. The Flame King and Flame Princess jutted their heads to see that the Earl being slowly extinguished.

Lemongrab laid on the ground, staring into the blue sky. He could feel the heat from the burning castle. He let out a heavy sigh. Angered by the transpiring events, he writhed viciously on the ground. He used his legs to propel himself to move in a circle. At the same time, he raised his fingers and pointed at the Fire Kingdom Royalty and everyone around him. With his bated breath, he screamed, "FOUR THOOOUSAND YEARS DUNGEON!"

The Flame Princess was enraged that her almost husband was imprisoning her and her family. In an instance, she became a large catastrophic monster, now engulfing the entire castle in flames. She flailed her fiery arms around the city, starting fires on every building her flames touched.

* * *

Princess Bubblegum, far away in the comfort of her Candy Kingdom castle, was using her telescope. Nodding dejectedly, she simply sighed.

"I guess the Flame Princess is too volatile, even for steady Lemongrab." She quickly grabbed a butterfly net and donned her snorkel. "Time to stop the Flame Princess!"

Princess Bubblegum… I would not use the word 'steady' to ever describe Lemongrab. Ever. And you look silly.


End file.
